As Thanksgiving and the subsequent winter holidays speed toward us like a runaway Polar Express, I watch, in magical wonder, as relatively normal people become bitter, angry, humorless and resentful online, and, in real life. It's getting cold outside and frankly, so are our hearts. I understand how this could happen given the enormous amount of pressure we place on ourselves, our families, complete strangers and innocent bystanders during the holidays and, true, there is NO excuse for the suddenly shocking shortage of alcohol on your store shelves, but, I beg of you, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Could you be a holidick?
hol·i·dick
noun
1. a person set on ruining a custom, festivities or any event or celebration directly related to or, in commemoration of some event or in honor of someperson.
adjective
1. of or pertaining to joyless festival; lack of festivity; lack of joyous celebration: a holidick mood.
2. unsuitable for a holiday: Why are you looking at me with that holidick stare? or, Setting my santa hat on fire was a holidick move.
(synonym: holidouche)
Dear friends, let's remember what the holidays are all about: grace, giving, joy, peace and making sure, for a few short weeks, you drink just enough to embrace the fun in family dysfunction, yet, not so much that you discuss Aunt Jolene's Oxycontin dependence over mini pumpkin cheesecakes. Remember, don't be a BAH HUMBUG, just kindly pass the Rum...bug. It's the best I could do. Sue me. Please don't.
Remember, no matter who gets the largest part of the wishbone, we're ALL winners. Pass the Pinot Noir.
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| Rusty likes to throw snowballs at defenseless young women. Rusty is a holidick. |
Thanks for the reminder. I've been feeling like a major holidouche. I've lost sight of the wine, er, I mean meaning behind Thanksgiving and have gotten bogged down in annoyance. But now I'll change my attitude and embrace the holiday spirits.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace it with booze in both hands.
DeleteYou are absolutely correct. For myself personally; I've found that simply arriving to scheduled events which have been painstakingly arranged by others is the best way to avoid being a holidick. As I arrive, I'm offered wine and food or if I so prefer; spirits of my choice. "Don't mind if I do." I also don't mind helping to load the dishwasher or refilling empty serving trays or glasses. Looking busy and appearing helpful is all par for the coarse and as long as my darling MIL keeps filling my glass, I'm happy to oblige. Cheers! As long as I'm not hosting, well that in and of itself is cause to celebrate. Happy Holidays? I think, yes!
ReplyDeleteJessica, your words are like an arrow straight into my heart. I agree so heartily that I'm not sure you and I aren't the same person.
DeleteI love this Jessica!
DeleteI don't think there are enough words in my head to express exactly how much I love this. I have already reached that point in which I want to consume enough alcohol to just skip over the social gathering part of the holidays. Thank you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI've started my preemptive holiday drinking which is why I can write about not being a holidick instead of being a full on raging holidick. I'm thankful for you and booze. Always booze. Love you!
DeleteLOL. Holidouche. love it! I also love the "Check yo self before you wreck yo self" tag. Werd.
ReplyDeleteAHHHHHHHH YEEE-AHHHHHHHHHH!
DeleteI definitely have felt myself shifting into "holidick" mode, but lacking a word for it, couldn't kick myself out of it. Thank you for helping point me back to a more kindly holiday spirit!
ReplyDeleteDeborah, don't feel bad. To know what a holidick is, you must have also been one at one point. We've ALL been there, sister.
Delete"Holidick" has now been gleefully inserted into my holiday lexicon. Love. It.
ReplyDeleteNot as much as I love you. NEENER!
DeleteI just stay away from Black Friday and I think I will not be a holidick
ReplyDeleteAhhhh, yes. Nothing exacerbates a case of Holidick more quickly than Black Friday. Truth.
Deletelmao! cute post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Courtney. I can tell that you aren't a Holidick.
DeleteI work retail...needless to say, I will be face to face with quite a few of these "holidicks". It is really easy to lose the meaning behind the holidays but on the bright side...they allow water bootles on the sales floor, and I'm pretty sure vodka looks like water! Lol Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
ReplyDeleteLooks like I've already hit the water bootle!
DeleteAmy, I like you. A lot. Pass the vodka, I mean distilled spring water.
DeleteI work retail...needless to say, I will be face to face with quite a few of these "holidicks". It is really easy to lose the meaning behind the holidays but on the bright side...they allow water bootles on the sales floor, and I'm pretty sure vodka looks like water! Lol Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
ReplyDeleteI just started to panic a little bit upon thinking of the potential liquor shortage. Off to stock up now and will do my best not to be a holidouche if someone gets in my way...
ReplyDeleteIf someone gets in your way as you fight off the huddled masses for liquor, then they deserve whatever holidoucheness they receive.
DeleteI will not be a holidouche at Thanksgiving because we're going to my daughter's (& I'm afraid of her) but all those people at my house for Christmas may find out that their party is hosted by a holidouche AND a holidick! Would you believe that spell check is telling me those are not real words? Pass the water bootle, please!
ReplyDeleteWater bootles are gonna be in short supply this year! :)
DeleteLadies, ladies, ladies...there is enough clear sanity juice to go around. Hands in. *One, Two, THREE* HOLIDICK. Ok, break. *pats rears*
DeleteI have noticed myself being more dickish than usual. I was thinking maybe I'm just turning into on old selfish douchtwaddle. I'm so glad that you porovided me witht he reals reason for my dickery. I'm off to stock up on booze.
ReplyDeleteFor most of life's ills, the answer is "adequate supplies of liquor." Godspeed as you secure your stockpile.
DeleteI think I know a few of these!
ReplyDeleteWe all do and, I admit, I've been one on more than a few ocassions. Thankfully, my husband burned the divorce papers after Christmas 2009.
DeleteI love this and will do my best to DRINK everytime I feel myself having a holidouche thought! It's ok to make it into a drinking game, right? DUH! Devan
ReplyDeleteTake one shot if someone else is acting like a Holidouche. Take two shots if you feel a burst of holidoucheness coming on. I think these are foolproof instructions. Thanks for reading, Devan! xo
DeleteWow, this was damn true it was frightening. Loved the name you gave to this condition and couldn't have come up with better of I tried!! I know more than a few Holidick's right now and even tweeted this one :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and sharing, Janine. Oh, I know a few too and, truth be told, I've been one. I'm not just the President, I'm also a member. Have a great Thanksgiving and hand out extra drinks to the Holidicks. xo
DeleteWine is my favorite part of the holidays. And most days.
ReplyDeleteCheers, m'lady! *clink*
DeleteThank you for the new term. I'll be saying HOLIDICK a lot this season, if not out loud, at least under my breath.
ReplyDeleteIt's most effective when mumbled *just* under the radar. If the intended says, "What did you say?", it's even more effective.
DeleteNot sure which I live more, Holidick or Holidouche. Must tweet this promptly.
ReplyDeleteThank you, mama! I'm partial to Holidouche. It's growing on me. :)
DeleteI freely admit that I have to fight hard to just be a holi-neutral. Holidouche is my basic mode this time of year. I try really REALLY hard to just smile and nod through it. And Scott's family is actually fun to be around. But... yeah.
ReplyDeleteAs I stood in the kitchen yesterday, seething in silence WHILE the tree was being hoisted in place with a ring of screaming children, in my head I was chanting, "Don't be a holidouche. Don't be a holidouche." You are not alone. Thank you for reading!
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