Something's Gotta Give

Something’s Gotta Give

Hi, my name is Bethany and this is my BPM Creator Confession for the week of March 18th.


I am a stay at home mom (SAHM). Before I was a stay at home mom, I had a great career for 10 years in Human Resources. I want to state that because I have been on both sides of the fence. They grass has its green and brown spots on both sides.

The term stay at home mom has always bothered me. First, I feel that the term does not accurately reflect the job. My dissatisfaction with the term may come from my HR days where our copy room employees were titled, "Lead Reprographics Technicians". No, I am not joking. SAHM is such a meager title for such a huge job. And, frankly, on most days, I feel less like a SAHMom and more like a SAHMaid. Well, that is not entirely true. On most days I feel like the EXPECTATION is that I be a SAHMomandMaid. Can you imagine if the only thing mothers that stayed home did was mother? I can not. The world may stop spinning. People would be wearing burlap sacks to work and McDonalds would be the largest and most influential corporation in the world. I can see it now. So, for the rest of this post, I’m going to refer to SAHMs as Directors of the Societal Development of Quality Humans. That is a working title. It has not yet been approved by Compensation.

I find, sadly, that during my day, I feel guilty that I am not accomplishing more stuff (sh*t, really). I am disappointed that laundry goes unfolded. I am disappointed that I have been unable to mop a floor since COUGH. I am disappointed that my home is cluttered, dusty and that my kitchen does not smell of fresh baked goods or Lysol. I am disappointed that I can not find a home for all the crap that “lives” in my house. I look outside and see leaves that need raking, dirt that needs seeding, decks that need cleaning. I struggle to plan and make dinner every night. EVERY night. When dinner comes together, I feel victorious and then, a) no one eats it or b) complains loudly about its (varying degrees of) grossness throughout the meal. Then, I see my happy, healthy kids and I remind myself that their health and happiness is the goal. DUH!

The expectation is too high. We are too hard on ourselves. Society is too hard on us. Sometimes, our partners are too hard on us. Our job is to create and nourish the development of quality human beings. It takes a lifetime and it is hard work. We spend so much time sweating the small stuff at the expense of celebrating the BIG stuff.


So, my new checklist goes something like this.

Did my children smile and laugh today?
Did I laugh at their jokes?
Did we read together?
Did I encourage them?
Did I hug and kiss them enough?
Did I protect them?
Did I really listen closely to the things they were trying to share with me?
Did I do my best to give them everything they need to thrive?

I am the Director of the Societal Development of Quality Humans. The laundry can wait.