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Bad Parenting Moments: A Pox on Our House/A Case of Bieber Fever

Friday, May 11, 2012

A Pox on Our House/A Case of Bieber Fever

I am deeply unhip. I have said it before. I'll say it again. I just said it now. There is no shame in my lack of game. I have no idea what is currently popular on the radio. I have no clue who is on American Idol. I have no idea if American Idol is even still on the air. I don't have cable. I don't play Words With Friends (because I haven't figured out how to access the app) and I have no clue how to navigate a Twitter party. I tried the "Tweetdeck" last night and jumped off almost immediately...thereby committing Twitter party suicide. Need I go on?

I have been dreading the moment that recently occurred in my kitchen since my oldest daughter made her brutally slow debut into the world. She has officially started her relationship with pop culture. On Monday, over a plate of dino nuggets and smiley face potatoes, my SIX YEAR OLD professed her love for Justin Bieber. Holy Mother of Thor. As if it wasn't hard enough to develop a meaningful and kick-ass relationship, here comes Justin Beiber and his, what I hear is, blonde hair and (apparently?) heartthrob good looks to call me out for the hardcore out of touch 30-something I am. Damn you, Bieber. Damn you hard.

My daughter, through no guidance by her parental units, discovered "the Biebs". Discovered seems like much too kind a word. People discover cures for illness,  planetary systems and fossils. Correction: she tripped over him. Bieber is the neglected, pot hole laced highway and she is the tread bare tire. Like a mosquito loves the zapper. Like a fly loves shit. This is how my daughter loves "The" Bieber. She repeatedly sings the chorus of one nameless, siren song. If I were to guess the name, I'd have to use the singular line repeated  ad nauseum at a decibel only audible by bees, dogs and this horrified mother. "BAY-BAH, BAY-BAH, BAY-BAH...AHHHHH!" Kill. Me. Now.

In addition to proclaiming her undying love, she has also requested a Justin Bieber poster for her room...that she shares...with a 2 year old. It's nice to have dreams. Everyone should. It's also nice to be brought back  down to Earth by the life lesson that you can't always get what you want. Maybe kids are right. Parents just don't understand. True, but, if a life sentence of Bieber Fever is my chance at understanding, I'm fine living in total darkness, in a dark cave in a dark land where it is dark...all the time

Is this my karma for my boom box blasting of Tiffany, Debbie Gibson and Sound Garden? Was my love for Keds, Umbro and Hypercolor so obnoxious that I must now be forced to endure Justin Bieber? Is Biebs my pound of flesh?

Dear random kid who inoculated my daughter with a hefty dose of the Heeby Biebees, I'm coming for you.


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At May 11, 2012 at 4:38 PM , Blogger Danned for Life said...

If it makes you feel any better, I have been unable to get the New Kids out of my head since Aunt B left Seattle.

At May 11, 2012 at 6:57 PM , Blogger Laurie K said...

Tylynn "LOVES" Justin Bieber too! Although, she is 15, and truly thinks he is "hot"... I must confess, he is actually a very talented musician, who can sing, dance, play the drums, and the guitar. Wait until she wants to see his movie, read his books, and buy all of his albums! Good luck!

At May 12, 2012 at 6:53 AM , Blogger Belinda said...

Perhaps it's my fault... my love of boy bands (and the like) may have rubbed off on her (as it did with Uncle Dan, apparently! hee, hee!) If it would help, I'd be happy to come over and we could go into the garage and sing some "Biebs" and introduce her to some Old School New Kids. Hang in there! You know what they say, that which does not kill us makes us want to kill others! xoxo

At May 18, 2012 at 10:42 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

You. Said. UMBRO. I haven't thought of Umbros in forever!!! HA!! I remember a very cute soccer player wore them and I thought they were HOT. This cracked me up! Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!

At June 19, 2012 at 12:08 PM , Blogger Laurie McConnell (Conversate is not a word and other abuses of the English language) said...

I love your writing style. You really have a way with words. Thanks for cracking me up! <3 I just had to share this on our page.

At June 19, 2012 at 12:32 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you so much for your support! You KNOW I love you too.

At August 7, 2012 at 10:51 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At August 7, 2012 at 10:52 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

"Is this my karma for my boom box blasting of Tiffany, Debbie Gibson and Sound Garden? Was my love for Keds, Umbro and Hypercolor so obnoxious that I must now be forced to endure Justin Bieber?"

It is like you knew my childhood. Elsa is two. She lights up when HIS songs come on the radio. He is auditory junk food and must be stopped. :)


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