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Bad Parenting Moments: My Body is a (Shirley) Temple (of Doom)!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

My Body is a (Shirley) Temple (of Doom)!

Some people take great pride in the wonderful care and treatment they provide their life's vessel. Me, my greatest accomplishment (aside from carrying and birthing 4 children) is eating an entire bag of Reese's Trees in one sitting (delicious bastards). I would LIKE to say that I practice safe satiating, but, I do not. In fact, look up glutton in the dictionary. That is me (smiling and waving with chocolate all over my teeth). In fact, I should update the definition on Wikipedia to include my several proud gluttonous feats. I have eaten 1/2 a cake in one sitting more times than I'd like to admit. I don't even know if I can count that high. When it comes to self control, I have zero. If you are a delicious and tasty treat, I will eat you until I'm nauseated and then I will eat a few bites more.

Oh, and don't worry, I'm not one of those thin people that you want to beat with a 3 foot tall chocolate bunny. I'm lucky. I'm just one of those people who can eat whatever they want and just get really, really overweight. I know, just blessed with lucky genes I guess. I am surrounded by thin moms daily. I assume they work-out. I have no intention of working out. If a murderer was chasing me, I MAY run or, I may just resign myself knowing he's probably in superior physical shape. "Ok, buddy...you win! Let's make this quick."

NOTE: I save all my despicably impressive gluttony for nighttime. If the kids are in bed, you can find me on the couch with some of these favorites: 1) A "family size" bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms. 2) A bag of individually wrapped Reese's treats in the corresponding holiday shape. After eating entire bag, I like to pretend I didn't by hiding the 50 empty wrappers underneath a layer of trash in the trashcan. Can't see them? DIDN'T HAPPEN! 3) Cake. I have a serious, serious problem with cake. Case in point, I ordered a sheet cake for our children's combined birthday party. At the end of said party, there was over 1/2 a sheet left. I had a dear friend drop cake off at the local Fire Department because I knew it would come home with me and I would eat the remaining portion in 2 days. Giving the cake to the Fire Department ensured that the Fire Department would not be arriving at my house 2 days later while I choked on frosting. A backwards thank you and preventative measure. Genius.

Aside from my Dessert Outbursts (DessertBursts...mmmm, sounds like a delicious dessert!), I am a relatively healthy person. Like with any problem, the first step is admitting you have one! SO, here it goes, My name is Bethany and I have a serious dessert addiction. At my intervention, please bring Reese's Eggs.

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At March 31, 2012 at 11:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read this while munching on a candy bar, just to show solidarity.

At March 31, 2012 at 11:43 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

If you can't go to an actual bar, a candy bar is the next best thing!

At April 1, 2012 at 11:01 AM , Blogger Kim Bongiorno at Let Me Start By Saying said...

Trader Joe's Cookie Spread. You do not understand how good this stuff is.
The price there is way off, it's only about $3 at Trader Joe's stores. GO GET SOME.

At April 1, 2012 at 11:27 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

DROOL! This sounds so good that it might just make the rotation.


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