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Bad Parenting Moments: Long Live the Terrible Twos

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Long Live the Terrible Twos

If you ask a toddler who they are, they will say, "I am ME!" Simple and true. There can only be one you and, never are we more aware of this than during the big, self-pimptastic-realization of age 2. When the world is your oyster and that bitch better produce a pearl. This is the prime of our take. When you are 2, there is very little control over your world. You control only your reaction to the decisions being made for you and around you. In order to swallow that pill, you become one.

If you ask an adult who they are, they wax philosophical. Answering with who they want to be more often than who they currently are. At times, we may not even know. We project our desires with less toddler-like stomping and biting, but, with only a quarter of the badass that toddlerhood organically, and abundantly, produces.

There are times I desire that toddler, Foghorn Leghorn puffed chest pride. Every time I see my daughter strut around new terrain, secure in her right to be there, claiming the space as her own, I am awe-struck. So much sense of self trapped in one, tiny body. I imagine that the internal soundtrack in her head is Danger Zone. 24/7 Danger Zone and so much fantastic, she doesn't need Goose to co-pilot.

There are times when the brazenness of her age embarrasses me. Everything is theirs. That wallet in your hand? THEIRS. The grapes in the produce section. THEIRS. The chalk in your toddler's hands? Sorry, THEIRS. The cat's flea collar, your bowl of cereal, the sack of plastic bags in the basement. Right. THEIRS.

Alternatively, in all the well documented take of the toddler age, I see saintly giving. The affection they give to everyone they meet. The trust they extend and their unlimited well of forgiveness. I see those traits more acutely developed in these pint-sized Mother Theresas than in the majority of adult society. So much love to give and everyone is deserving. You only need be in their extended orbit to be a recipient of their time, words, love and attention.

Sure, they could use some polish. The crapping directly in their pants and failure to understand how to use a tissue require finesse, but, when it comes to give and take, good and bad, the light and dark, I have to say, toddlers may have us beat.

Toddler 101: Enter a room and be brazenly YOU.  Make friends with everyone. If anyone steps on your toes, tell them and then, hug it out. Friends may not always agree, but, if we have Goldfish and a few minutes, we'll remember that having relationships is far better than being right and, we'll move on. Everyone can play and if we all pool our snacks, there is plenty to go around. If I get hurt, it's alright to cry. If I need love, I'll ask for a hug. The world is great. People are kind. If you love the music, dance...no matter where you are. If you hurt someone, say sorry. Share.

Long live the Terrible Twos.





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42 Comments:

At October 14, 2012 at 6:36 PM , Blogger robyn said...

Viva la terrible twos! Or would it be, Carpe the terrible twos? Sadly, most two year olds are better with foriegn languages than I am. In my defense though, I didn't have Dora. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was just about to run outside, poop my pants, take somebody's wallet, and then offer them my used tissue in trade. I draw the line at hugging strangers, but I don't think they'll mind if I skip it. Being two again is gonna be awesome!

 
At October 14, 2012 at 6:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog!!!! Thank you for being the parent you are and the bravery it takes to post your wonderful stories. I love it and you are awesome!!!! Have a fantastic day

 
At October 14, 2012 at 6:45 PM , Blogger Kyla @ Mommys Weird said...

There are a lot of good lessons in there. Excuse me while I go and judge someone.

 
At October 14, 2012 at 7:15 PM , Anonymous Shannon said...

Ha, social skill game to play for tomorrow- own that shit like you're two years old. Loved this, simple poignant and damn funny...

 
At October 14, 2012 at 7:20 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Being 2 again will be awesome. If I pull your hair, give you half of my smushed grape and then steal your shoes that means: I love you. Suck it, Dora. I speak fluent 2 year old.

 
At October 14, 2012 at 7:21 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you for reading, commenting and for loving me. I love you back. True.

 
At October 14, 2012 at 7:22 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

I love you, Kyla. Thanks for reading. Oh, and I'm a good candidate for harsh judging. If you need some material, hang out with me.

 
At October 14, 2012 at 7:33 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you, Shannon! You OWN it, girl.

 
At October 14, 2012 at 8:11 PM , Blogger Keesha said...

Thanks! I needed this as I carp about my adorable, maddening, live- every- moment-to-the-fullest little girl. She s right where she needs to be, and as I constantlry remind myself, someday, in about 12 years or so when she desn't want to be seen with me, and knows exactly what she is doing when she calls me unspeakable names to my shocked and sad face, I will long, pine, for this crazy age. Great post, lady!

 
At October 14, 2012 at 8:26 PM , Blogger Dawn Grobe said...

I would trade the "terrible twos" for the "terrorizing threes" I am living through right now. What happened to my cute, sweet, easy-going kid. But, heck ya, I would go back to being 2 or 3 in a second. Nobody cares what you're wearing, eating, doing. You can pick your nose and the only person who cares is your mom. You can eat your lunch with your fingers, even if it is spaghetti. You get stickers for using the toilet. And you are so freakin' cute you can charm a lollipop out of anyone. (Especially that nice guy at the pharmacy.)

 
At October 14, 2012 at 9:04 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

That guy at the pharmacy is such a pushover!

 
At October 14, 2012 at 9:05 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you for reading! I make an effort every day to enjoy the little time in all its crazy, hair ripping out glory. xo

 
At October 14, 2012 at 9:29 PM , Blogger fishducky said...

This was amazing! As I was reading it, I was 2 again. Of course, that's the way my husband says I always act!!

 
At October 14, 2012 at 9:48 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

I'm trying to figure out if we're married to the same man. If we were sister wives, that would be pretty great. Thank you for reading! xo

 
At October 15, 2012 at 3:14 AM , Blogger TNMom said...

AWE! I have a two year old little girl! I am going to look at her in this way instead of a "BE GOOD!" kind of way more often. Once again, you are so full of awesome!!!!! Devan

 
At October 15, 2012 at 8:18 AM , Blogger Momma Miles said...

This was very wise, especially for a Monday morning. Is it Monday... I forget.

Thanks for seeing the good in this crazy life we're living, it's so easy to forget the beauty we're surrounded with.

So thank you.

 
At October 15, 2012 at 3:30 PM , Blogger Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Ahhh... Goose. RIP

P.S. My daughter is two and totally owns it. A little too much if you ask me.

 
At October 15, 2012 at 4:14 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you! You are too good to me. I think you are full of awesome. Mutual awesome-sauce affection. xo

 
At October 15, 2012 at 4:15 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you, Momma Miles! What I lack in wisdom, I make up for in crazy. Thank you for reading.

 
At October 15, 2012 at 4:20 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

My daughter is the same. She likes to remind me of my vow to love her and serve her until the end of time. When I tell her that she added the indentured servitude part, she just laughs and points to her soiled diaper.

 
At October 15, 2012 at 6:16 PM , Anonymous Tricia said...

Both of my little dudes are in the terrible two phase. And they are ROCKING. IT. I love this new perspective. I may need to remind myself of this every now and again. Because rumor has it 3 is a whole different ball game.

Long live the bad parents!

 
At October 15, 2012 at 6:37 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thanks for reading, Tricia! Three is why I drink. ;) Hang in there, mama. xo

 
At October 15, 2012 at 10:13 PM , Blogger Laura said...

"if we have Goldfish and a few minutes..." Best. line. ever.... My daughter recently turned one. I must admit, I'm kind of looking forward to the "terrible twos". They sound kind of wild (but maybe in a good way)? Am I totally naive?

 
At October 15, 2012 at 10:30 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Not at all! 2 has a special magic. It's spectacular and craptacular all at once. 2 year olds are the Bruce Springsteen of growing up...the BOSS! Thanks for reading! xo

 
At October 16, 2012 at 1:52 PM , Blogger The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At October 16, 2012 at 1:53 PM , Blogger The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears said...

I remember loving the two's. Mine were sweet, animated, loving little creatures. I swear the day they turned 3 a flip switched and they turned into hellish devil children. Nonsensical tantrums and habitual stubbornness took over our lives. I cherished the moments they were asleep and took a deep breath every morning when I heard the doors to their rooms creak open...here we go. You can do this.

The good news is I made it out alive! Mine are 7 and 11 now. We are all still speaking, and I have never (not even once!) been reported to the authorities. Now we're creeping into the teen years with my oldest, which I've heard will make 3 seem like a trip to Disneyland. Wish me luck.

 
At October 16, 2012 at 3:08 PM , Blogger Marianne said...

There goes Kyla with her judging again...

Wonderful post. And I LOVE The name.

 
At October 16, 2012 at 7:12 PM , Blogger Barbara R-G said...

Oh I hope you never stop blogging! I just love your writing, your wit, your willingness to deal with chaos and take it in stride. I think about you so often during the week. I admire the priority you give to writing and I envy your talent.
Oh, and have i mentioned lately how much I miss you all?
xo

 
At October 18, 2012 at 10:05 AM , Blogger Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

Loved this spin! Oh how I wish there were blogs when my kids were going through this stage; I would have been able to see the silver lining so much easier.

And I just love the way this line rolls around in my mind --it just grabbed me -- "When the world is your oyster and that bitch better produce a pearl." Yes!

Ellen

 
At October 18, 2012 at 12:53 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Congratulations on never being reported to the authorities. That is on my short list of parenting achievements as well! Thank you for reading! xo, BPM

 
At October 18, 2012 at 12:53 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

You are far too kind, my dear friend. Miss you too.

 
At October 18, 2012 at 12:54 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you for acknowledging that line even with the potty word in it! I love seeing a comment from the Sisterhood. You two are so wonderful.

 
At October 19, 2012 at 10:17 AM , Blogger Michelle said...

Love this post! My 23 month old has entered the "terrible twos". *Gulp.* I seem to have amenesia about my 4 year old going through this stage.
Love your blog! I am awarding you the Sunshine Award!

http://michellemossey.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-sunshine-award.html

 
At October 19, 2012 at 2:50 PM , Blogger Sorry kid, your mom doesn't play well with others said...

I love this!

 
At October 20, 2012 at 7:53 PM , Blogger Funny Is Family said...

What a great post! Kids are better than grown-ups in so many ways, and you articulated this fact beautifully. You made me simultaneously miss the wild twos and be thankful my kids are older. I'm excited to be your newest follower!

 
At October 22, 2012 at 4:46 PM , Anonymous Happy Little Feet said...

This is so true! I love it. I have always loved the Terrible Twos for the exact reasons you give. It is would be so wonderful to be as confidant as a two year old. Awesome post!

 
At November 16, 2012 at 11:36 PM , Blogger Nicole Shaw said...

Slow clap giving way to loud, wild applause and hooting. This is fantastic writing.

 
At November 18, 2012 at 8:51 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

THank you, Michelle! I'm honored! You would think I would remember this stage with my older two, but, baby brain just keeps winning out. Thanks for reading, commenting and my kick ass award. xo

 
At November 18, 2012 at 8:52 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you for reading!

 
At November 18, 2012 at 8:56 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you for reading and following! There is so much magic with 2. Almost equal parts wild frustration and magic. Which is why I drink wine, yet, watch with glee with wine in hand.

 
At November 18, 2012 at 8:58 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you for reading. If I was as confident as my two year old, I would be the CEO of some large offshore conglomerate. I would also be the most despised woman in history. ;)

 
At November 18, 2012 at 8:59 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Awww, shucks. Thank you. It means a great deal coming from you. I particularly appreciate the hooting.

 

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