Summer's Last Stand

Who doesn't love summer with its endlessness and perpetual abyss of all of your offspring under one roof? I enjoy my weekly shower and cold cup of coffee because life is revitalizing when freezing cold  and roughly scheduled. I also enjoy our 2 1/2 month inch toward poverty as the locusts children eat us out of house and home. Of course you can have all 15 of the Hot Pockets. I was saving them for the apocalypse, but, frankly that seems closer now than ever so, enjoy!

After several months home, the gifts of summer's delight keep on giving, and giving, and giving and...come play with us Danny (elevator doors open in Overlook Hotel).




We're going back to school shopping...forever and ever and ever and ever...


As we drag our weary, bedraggled bodies toward the home stretch, I can think of only two things: How many more days until school starts? and, How did I manage to only get a tan on my feet?

This week has brought more of the same. The zest of the initial June kiddie pool filling has been replaced with August 13ths, "Can't you just go play NEAR the hose. I might turn it on later. I don't know, maybe if you're really thirsty." and our bounding out of the gates trips to the park have turned into, "Hey kids, look out the window! There's the park!" as we speed home from the grocery store. I've caved and they can smell my desperation. Desperation for Moms - the new scent by mothers, for mothers. A scent for the simple, complicated woman who just can't wait for effing school to start. *whisper* DESSSSPERATION.

As swift as sand through the hourglass, so are the the days of our lives...except for the days of summer.

Now what, you ask? Exactly. I am out of ideas. I am out of pipe cleaners, glue and stickers. And, to quote the great philosopher, Prince, "Party over, oops out of time." But, summer still had one sucker punch for me: Several days of torrential downpour. Game on, summer. One more chance to give it my "A game" or, to establish an A game since I've been riding the bench between C - and D, but, with the curve I'm hoping to pull it up to a solid B -.  Here's hoping the kids accept my extra credit sprinkling of dirt on their note to the fairies that I passed off as fairy dust! Fingers crossed!

Now, I give you our rainy day summer projects you will NEVER see on Pinterest:

Weather Hats - They are fashionable and informative. If they are wet, it's raining. If your forehead starts to smoke, the sun is shining. If the forecast calls for thunder and lightning, it's time to ask yourself, Are you a bettin' man? Well, are you?

You are seriously impressed right now. Who wouldn't be? Now taking orders for my shop featured on Regretsy.

Telephone - Ring, Ring? Hello? Hello? HELLOOOOO? Just like when the phone rings during the day in my house, I'm going to ignore these calls too. The kids love that they can scream at each other from different rooms and I love that they are screaming things like, "HI! I CAN'T WAIT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL SO WE CAN GET AWAY FROM She'sLostIt McOutOfHerMind!" instead of screaming directly into each other's faces about who gets to eat the fruit snack they just found under the radiator vent.




"What is the legal age you can emancipate yourself from your parents?"



They sure don't make them like this anymore. Or, ever.

Sticks - This game is really neat. You go out in the rain and collect as many sticks as possible. Then, you put the sticks in a giant pile. Then, you pick up large debris, add it to the stick pile and, this is where it gets REALLY interesting, then rake smaller debris into the BIG pile until the yard is 100% absent of debris. After this, you apply for a burn permit through your local fire department and burn any debris that is not usable as mulch. Kids LOVE this game. You can thank me later.

If this doesn't make you want to immediately run out and play "sticks", well, then I guess FUN means something different to you.

I have to say, I think it's clear I nailed it. Speaking of nails....well, we can get to that game next summer. I don't want to give all of  my secrets away in one post.