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Bad Parenting Moments: "My Kids Are My Best Friends!"

Thursday, August 9, 2012

"My Kids Are My Best Friends!"

I have heard tales of parent - child relationships so strong that they refer to each other as best friends. I can only surmise that this works the same way 18th century courting worked. After being told you were betrothed and had no choice but to be together for life, you figured you'd make the best of it, find out each other's similarities and give it a good old fashioned try. You would drink a lot and fan yourself. In fits of anger, they would throw things at you....mostly breakable things you love. You'd make tea sandwiches. They would eat them, except for the crust.  Back then, divorce was unheard of. And since parenthood is also a life sentence, I think it's a good idea to take a deep breath and settle in. Fortunately, unlike marriage, you do all the diapering in the beginning and get to the dating and drinking together in the later years. This seems like a fair deal. The sweet after the constantly urinated on in public sour.

In some ways, my kids are my best friends. Mostly because baby and toddler hood are a battlefield that we have all fought on together. This makes us soldiers in the same platoon. We're bros. No one knows you like your platoon during war-time. We haven't shared cigarettes or pin-up pictures, but, I have carried them over my shoulder while running from an angry bee and when we have explosions of the diaper variety, I am the medic.  SO yeah, we're tight.

Best friends have secret languages. I speak all four of my children's garbled languages fluently. I know that EOGHRTOUERFSOHGT SOTHEOUHTTT!!!! means, "Hey Mom. I want a sandwich." and I know that ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR means, "Head's up. I'm tired. You'd better postpone that grocery store trip until after nap time." Our secret handshakes change daily, but, we have those too. Their current favorite is pull mom's pants down and laugh which I know means, "The four of us will be ganging up on you for the rest of your life. Get used to it!" I then respond with my secret handshake of tripping over my pants and clenching my teeth in half pain/half anger which means, "I know. I'm ready for you. Next time I'm wearing pants 3 sizes too small! SUCKERS!"

Best friends are often well matched. They may love to read, write or go to theatre. My children and I are well matched as well. We are generally cranky, covered in mud and none of us know how to spell. Similarities. Check.

Best friends fight and then make up. Does this even require an example? No, it doesn't.

Best friends borrow each other's clothes.  They wear my underwear on their heads. Close enough.

Best friends tell each other secrets. I know ALL of their secrets. I plan on never telling them...until the truly perfect moment of horrifying embarrassment. That's what best friends do.

Best friends know that no matter what, they have each other's backs. Mean chick at Day Camp who refused to do Twin Day with my daughter, Aggressive Troll on the slide that pushed my toddler into a cardboard box and ANYone who breaks their hearts, this (best) Bud's for you. And, by Bud, I mean my evil, death stare while menacingly peeling an orange.

Ok, I admit it  - we are besties. Now to find a BFF necklace that splits into 5 pieces.




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29 Comments:

At August 9, 2012 at 11:08 AM , Blogger Kyla @ Mommys Weird said...

Awwwww.
Do you know what bugs me, grown adult brother and sisters that are best friends. Really? Please. My brothers can't even stand to be in the same room as me.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 11:18 AM , Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Love this!

Also my brother is 18 months older than me were 25&26. And we're best friends. Have been our entire lives except from 15-18 when I dated his best friend.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 12:22 PM , Blogger Teri said...

When you say they wear your underwear on their heads, are you talking about the sexy thong underwear or the granny panty period underwear?

Thanks for the laugh!!
Teri
Snarkfest

 
At August 9, 2012 at 12:24 PM , Anonymous Jessica said...

I can only hope that my kids stay my best friends forever. Right now they are 4 and 9 and we do everything together. Yes fight and scream but also have late night conversations, share secrets, laugh and have awesome mommy/son dates. I want to find that balance between them respecting me as their mother but also trusting me like their friend. It's a hard, long tight rope walk but in the end totally worth the battle. As of right now I'm doing a pretty god job. My kids are amazing the majority of the time. They love each other and protect each other and most of the time they love me! I've never seen two brothers get along as well as these two but I know it may all change in about 5 years!
And for the record my sister and I are BFF's now. We were BFF's from the time she was born until about ages 12-16 when we use to have fights so bad we would end up on the floor punching each other! But my mom and dad, they were our constant best friends.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 1:42 PM , Blogger Christie said...

My kids and I speak a secret language eerily similar to yours...haha. I'd always hoped I'd achieve that Gilmore Girls type of BFF relationship with my daughter whereas we're both so cool and often mistaken for sisters. The problem is I own a mirror that doesn't have the decency to lie about my age...stopped by from #findingthefunny

 
At August 9, 2012 at 2:33 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

As the oldest of four girls, we vary in relationship status from in love to kicking shins. Basically how it was as kids. Excuse me, I have to go borrow her denim Guess jacket while she's out.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 2:36 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

(Pulls up chair, places chin in cupped hands) - I want to hear ALL about 15 - 18. ;) Thank you for reading, Elizabeth. I love that you and your bro are best friends. That's what I want for my little heathens, I mean, wonderful small people.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 2:37 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

I've HEARD of thongs, Teri. I think I may have a pair that I saved to turn into some sort of slingshot. I exclusively wear the fishnet granny panties given to you in the maternity ward.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 2:38 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Rock on , mamma! Your children are very lucky to have you. Thank you for reading.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 2:42 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Christie, I am so with you. Call me crazy, but, I have a feeling that my daughters won't be lining up to borrow my thread-bare, incredibly pilled yoga pants for their hot dates. I also have a strong feeling that several hi-fives will be left hanging. Yours in mom dorkiness, BPM.

 
At August 9, 2012 at 8:44 PM , Blogger Sanstrousers said...

I'm still just on the cusp of cool with my kids, but I know it's fading fast. Sad face.

 
At August 10, 2012 at 12:27 PM , Blogger Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

I assumed that your kids become your best friends because once you have kids you seem to no longer see any of your other friends. Therefore your kids become your only friends and thus, by default, are your best friends. Or maybe this has just been me.

 
At August 10, 2012 at 12:56 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

The 6 year old is already embarrassed by me. She thinks she's embarrassed NOW? I have so many more years to perfect my uber-dork mom.

 
At August 10, 2012 at 12:56 PM , Anonymous One Funny Motha said...

Loved the picture. I hope one day when my kids are grown we will have a strong friendship. Right now they are too annoying.

 
At August 10, 2012 at 12:59 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

WORD. They are the most annoying friends I have EVER had. None of my other friends ask me for snacks 24 hours a day. Oh wait, I don't have any other friends.

 
At August 10, 2012 at 1:01 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Speak for yourself. I have LOTS of adult friends. And, by LOTS, I mean none.

 
At August 10, 2012 at 3:51 PM , Blogger Meredith said...

Sounds like you roll with a pretty awesome crew. Dare you to start an Etsy shop for parents featuring that necklace--you'd make millions ;)

 
At August 10, 2012 at 5:56 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

They are alright. If you can get past the incessant cryng, fighting and asking for snacks, they are worth a second date. ;) OH, and now I want to start an Etsy shop. My husband is going to divorce me any day now...

 
At August 10, 2012 at 11:35 PM , Blogger robyn said...

Sorry to intrude, but I had to tell you I just found a pair of those maternity ward undies folded into a clean towel in the linen closet. With my first kid I haaaaated them. With my second, I didn't mind them. 7 years later, with my third baby, I cleaned that frickin hospital OUT! Love those ugly things!

 
At August 10, 2012 at 11:39 PM , Blogger robyn said...

I think this post explains why everyone should have a gaggle of kids - it ups your odds that at least one of them is being tolerable at any given time, and that in their later years there will be a couple of them who can still stand each other. ;)

 
At August 11, 2012 at 10:28 AM , Blogger Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

Oh this was so funny. Loved the "They wear my underwear on their heads. Close enough." Loved the betrothal analogy,too. So spot on. Ellen

(Found you on TGIF Blog Hop)

 
At August 11, 2012 at 10:50 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

EXACTLY! I figure my odds of having 1 that will care for me in my old age improves with each kid. I mean, not all 4 will abandon me on the steps of a nursing home? Right? I'm starting to think I should re-think the name of my Blog...

 
At August 11, 2012 at 10:51 AM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you, Ellen! What a treat to have you stop by! Thank you for reading and for getting my jokes. Every time someone else laughs at my posts, my husband feels slightly better for not laughing. So, thanks for saving my marriage. No pressure.

 
At August 13, 2012 at 5:40 PM , Blogger YKIHAYHT said...

You know I love you, and I LOVE this post! Thanks for linking up again and for being you!

 
At August 13, 2012 at 6:43 PM , OpenID homelessinla.com said...

You had me in tears with that. Pono cheesecloth panties were my favorite and why arent they sold commercially?

 
At August 13, 2012 at 6:53 PM , OpenID darlasmom said...

Some chick says you owe her a martini
Funny lady, thanks for the laugh! My Grandma and my dad have such an awesome friendship...and yes, she told us kids his embarrressing secrets like when they moved while he was at college and didnt give him the new address - because they were tired of hearing how smart he thought he was....so to prove it he had to find them
googl Darlasmom. ( i am lazy)and
Darlasdollars (because the toddler thinks she is a financial guru?!?)

 
At August 13, 2012 at 9:28 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank YOU. I always love it when you stop by. Thank you for giving this small-time girl such big, unconditional love. You = amazing. P.S. Out of martinis. How about some champagne?

 
At August 13, 2012 at 9:30 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Thank you, Darla! Love that you stopped by and hope you enjoyed it. LOVE that address story. Thanks for reading.

 
At August 13, 2012 at 9:32 PM , Blogger BadParentingMoments said...

Right? *Chant with me ladies* WHAT DO WE WANT? FISHNET MATERNITY UNDIES! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? NOW!!!!

 

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